Sperm Count:

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said:

"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office
and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:

"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for
help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She
tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out,
and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she
tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't
get the jar open."

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The Chinese Investigator:

A man thought that his wife is cheating on him. Since he didn't have a
lot of money to hire an expensive private investigator, he decided to go
with a much cheaper one -- a Chinese man named Mr. Lee.
The following day he received following report:

MOST HONORABLE SIR:

YOU LEAVE HOUSE. ! I WATCH HOUSE. HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH. HE AND SHE
LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN
WINDOW. HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH
SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OFF TREE. I NOT SEE.

NO FEE,
CHEN LEE

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A faithful wife:

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the
light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figures she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while
they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned
on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a
battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger
than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard,"
She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You
better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy.. You explain the kids."

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