A Polish man married a Canadian girl and after he had been in Canada a while,
although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well.

Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER:  Have you any grounds?
  POLE:  JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.

LAWYER:  No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
  POLE:  It is made of concrete, brick and mortar.

LAWYER:  Does either of you have a real grudge?
  POLE:  No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.

LAWYER:  I mean, What are your relations like?
  POLE:  All my relations are in Poland.

LAWYER:  Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
  POLE:  Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.
         We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your
         questions is yes.

LAWYER:  No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?
  POLE:  No, I'm always up before her.

LAWYER:  Is your wife a nagger?
  POLE:  No, she white.

LAWYER:  Why do you want this divorce?
  POLE:  She going to kill me.

LAWYER:  What makes you think that?
  POLE:  I got proof.

LAWYER: What kind of proof?
  POLE:  She going to poison me.  She buy a bottle at the drug store and
         put on shelf in bathroom.  I can read -- it says, "Polish Remover."